A look into the life of Warren Davis

Moving Blogs

2009-11-20T09:33:00.004-06:00

On the small chance that you still check in on this blog or have it in your rss... I'm moving. http://www.jasonhassig.com

ugh. why not.

2009-02-09T10:21:00.003-06:00

I told myself I would not do it until I saw Andy do one... so why not join the crowd. (edit. weeks late at that. /shrugs)

1. I have a strange ability to make others around me feel as if I could do almost anything.

2. I pick up new hobbies and skills on whims.

3. I once told somebody within the first day of meeting them that I don't think we would be friends.

4. I was incredibly outgoing until about the age of 7, then I became very shy and slowly became less shy. Then about 3 years ago I mostly stopped caring and started saying whatever I felt like.

5. I love the movie Enchanted.

6. People tend to think that I lie a lot in reference to personal things, when in reality I'm telling the truth the majority of the time. I have one friend who can recognize the difference by the slight change of tone in my voice.

7. I'm an information hoarder. I want to know all I can about as much as I can (though #8 saves me from spending too much time on this). I like to understand everything, and it frustrates me beyond all measures when I can't understand something.

8. I have urges for perfection, overcome by apathy.

9. I've seen every episode of Hannah Montanna.

10. I always sleep with a fan running.

11. I almost always prefer texting to talking on the phone.

12. I want a tattoo but have yet to come up with anything I deem worthy of permanently putting on my body.

13. I've never been to an ikea.

14. I'm normally very quiet around new people. I'm not shy, you just learn more when you're not talking.

15.

16. I'm ridiculously self-analytical.

17. I intentionally chose to leave #15 blank.

18. I'll go out of my way to break rules. Especially if I consider them stupid.

19. I'm borderline egotistical, but at the same time think very low of myself.

20. I like to consider myself an artist, but at times I don't because most of what I create comes out of rationalism as opposed to creativity.

21. I once blurted out that I liked a girl, to her face... and the group of 15 other people that I was in the middle of addressing.

22. I take a lot of joy in shocking people or making them feel uncomfortable.

23. I never have any problems playing the devil's advocate.

24. I love movies, and not just in a general sense. I love the compilation of a good story, impaction music, and compelling images. I also tend to enjoy good movies more when I watch them alone and late at night when there are no distractions.

25. (I know I used several of these already, but I don't care) I'm very critical of everything I do, but I manage to cope with apathy. I also am incredibly self-analytical. And I am critical of everything around me, and expect others to use the same type of evaluation on me.

untitled 2

2009-01-25T01:14:00.003-06:00

My eyes open and the light pours in like it's been waiting all it has been waiting all night to see my eyes again. I don't really care to look at the clock. I already know that the day started long ago without me. They days never wait on me anymore. Check my e-mail, turn on the tv, check the fridge. My heart drops a little as I realize there's not enough barbecue left to make a sandwich. Some chips and a root beer and it manages to pass for a meal. The rest of the house moves about running errands and being productive. I can already tell today will not be one of my more productive days. After a few texts and some time passing, a guest knocks and lets them self into the house. Now I have company to watch the time pass. Not to say that we did, but in regards to actual importance to our lives and to the world, we may as well have mounted a clock on the wall and watched the seconds tick away for the next few hours. The rest of the house eventually returns. I'm told being around people is healthly, but it strikes me as taxing the majority of the time. Only a few people fall exempt from this majority. I began to wonder what the evening held. It is Saturday afterall. But somehow I know what is coming. More people come. Dinner is served and there is even a cake in celebration for a birthday. Who decided cake was a celebration food. Odd how some decisions spread like a virus, infecting our culture never to be cured. Far to much to eat and I know feel at the sheer pinicle of laziness. With two friends on the couch, the lack of conversation is strangely lacking. The telvision flickers, taunting us with its hold. Dear lord, it's already after eleven. One friend departs and the other will not last much longer. Silence has settled over the house, urging me to end the day and let tomorrow come. I refuse. I will let tomorrow come when I am ready. Sadly my body tells my mind to take a backseat and let it come. I change and slide under the sheets. My eyes close and the darkness flows over, pushing the last remnats of light away.

untitled

2009-01-23T01:28:00.004-06:00

The dvd slides into the slot. Take back movie: check. I get back in my car, put it back in gear, drive through the parking lot, and take a left. The roads are far less crowded at one in the morning. A normally busy road now lays serene as if it was built only for me. The car beeps, breaking the silent night air. My subconscious groans. I don't even have to look because already know the cause for the disturbance. The gas light is now glaring at me, mocking my procrastination. I should have put more gas in the tank yesterday. I silently calculate how many miles home and back to a gas station. I'm certain I could make it home tonight and just fill up tomorrow, but that kind of thinking got me where I am now. I drive a few more miles and pull into a station. There will not be any cheaper options between here and my house. The hose barely reaches, why do I never pull up far enough. The lights to the convenience store are all on, but I don't see a clerk. Oh well, I'll just get my gas and leave. The gas slowly fills the tank, far slower than normal. My bored mind imagines the man in the nearby car waiting for some sort of illegal exchange, and as if fate were reading my thoughts, another car pulled in right beside him. I looked the opposite direction as to not be any sort of witness. With the gas now pumping slower than ever I turn back around. The original man is now outside his car smoking and the other had entered the store. I guess I was wrong about it being closed. The gas pump clicks, jolting me out of my thoughts. I squeeze some more gas into the tank and close the lid. I now feel compelled to go inside the store. I have drinks at the house, I don't really feel like candy, and I really do not need any smokes either. Despite the lack of necessity I proceed to enter. Opening the door reveals a man making small talk with the clerk. The rack directly to me left has bags of candy, and suddenly candy does not sound like such a bad option. I gaze at them for a minute and opt to come back and choose after I have selected a drink. My eyes quickly locate the large cans of Arizona tea. The cans are big and only 99 cents, how could I not. Besides, I was told only two days ago that I simply must try the watermelon. What the hell, it's only 99 cents. My hands reach into the cooler and pull out a cold watermelon beverage. As I walk back to the candy rack the other customer finishes his small talk and leaves the store. I quickly choose a bag of gummy worms. I'm not certain why I am choosing those, but for some reason they sound very appealing. I grab the bag and make my way up to the counter. I walk slower than and normal person would and set my items down on the glass. As the clerk walks over to ring it up I start to wonder if I should make small talk. It would be so easy. There's a simple formula for small talk. But I simply do not feel like small talk, why waste the breaths. He rings up the two items and ask if that will be all. I gaze behind the counter pondering the answer to the question, but nothing begs for my attention so I respond positively. Slide the card, click accept and begin to walk away. Ugh, I did not sign. I just want to be back in my car. I leave the store and slowly walk back to my car, sizing up the other car leaving and wondering what they are up to so late on a Thursday. I look at my massive drink and candy. So much for going to bed early tonight. The key slides into the ignition. Fill up with gas: check. I put the car in gear, drive through the parking lot, and take a right.

Spring

2009-01-22T17:31:00.005-06:00

I know it's not really a blog post for real... and while I've been missing writing, I just haven't felt like it. Anyway, felt like a new background for my desktop, and thought I'd share what I made.

a letter of thanks

2008-12-01T23:58:00.002-06:00

Dear person with a 'private property' sign in your front yard,

I just wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for you placing a small Private Property sign in your front yard. As I drive by on a main road, I can clearly see the small sign thanks to your excellent placement. You are far ahead of your neighbors who are all sign-less. Just last week I was scouting for picnic locations and thanks to your wonderful foresight I did not confuse your mediocre yard for a public location in which I could enjoy a peaceful Tuesday afternoon picnic.

Signed,
A thankful citizen

Who knew?

2008-11-26T14:00:00.003-06:00

It has been quite a while since my last blog, and it is basically the same reasons as usual. I have a lot on my mind, but few that I really care to make widely available to anyone with access to the internet - which is certainly not an elite group these days. It is humerus to me how life progresses. Over the past 8 months I could not possibly count the number of times where I and even those around me have said, "I did not see this coming," (or something to the similar effect). We constantly make plans, goals, or at least have loose ideas and aspirations to what our future might hold. Some people are better at others at chasing down their goals and pouncing on opportunities, but in reality they generally cross great opportunities on no volition of their own. In the past 5 years I do not believe I have heard one person say, "This is exactly how I planned on it!"

meh. guess we'll just go with the flow.

Human Interaction

2008-10-20T22:37:00.003-05:00

It never ceases to amuse me how we interact with one another as humans. We constantly have things we would love to say to certain people, but for a myriad of reasons we hold back. We bite our tongues, devising a strategy to deliver our message. This is not directed solely at confronting people with words; it is a much larger scale. We are driven by needs to connect, to be loved, to be accepted, and we are more often than not willing to sacrifice who we are and who we would like to be to obtain those needs. And while we all seem to be in the same boat, we frequently establish walls between our interactions, only to be opened with time and commitment like a small stream carving a canyon. Although I don't believe we could handle it otherwise. It seems as if we will always live with this strange dichotomy. No matter how much we talk about or long for authenticity, we will never be completely free and direct in all of our interactions. Oh well, we learn and we adapt - some better than others. Despite it's complexity, our interactions operate on a system and always will.

Thoughts?

Sunset Design

2008-10-09T22:42:00.002-05:00

I wish I blogged more. I have a lot of thoughts that seem like they should be remembered for later. Some for personal reasons; some communal. But alas, I do not seem to take the time to sit down and unjumble them to a coherent, written form. Perhaps it is indecisiveness, or maybe I just don't deem them as worthy to be shared as I'd like to imagine. So, now that that completely useless rambling is over, here's another design I recently did for personal enjoyment (not to mention trying to keep the rust off).

Pro-realist

2008-10-02T23:24:00.004-05:00

Most people who come across this blog have probably already read this, but for those of you who haven't...

http://joegabbard.blogspot.com/2008/09/pro-life.html

This post makes me think of something that I heard recently and has come up in multiple conversations the last few days. I don't give a horse's ass what you say is important to you, show me where you spend your money (or time) and I'll know what's important to you. Talk and rhetoric are starting to wear me out.

New Design

2008-09-24T09:29:00.003-05:00

I never really put designs up on this blog, but I suppose the change of this blog has been one of the only consistent things of the blog. Anyway... here's a wallpaper I did the other day.

Stay in discomfort or risk drowning...?

2008-09-20T02:18:00.003-05:00

Somehow or another I seem to have struck an odd placement between being incredibly realistic yet overwhelmingly idealistic. It's a strange paradox that creates harsh uncertainty at every turn. It makes me feel like I am on a small island. This island can sustain life, but it is small, and holds no hope for larger aspirations. All rational and realistic expectations would vote to make due and set up shop on the small island, insuring survivability. Yet the idealistic yearnings long to find a larger island with waterfalls and some sort of meaningful purpose. To find the newer, larger island and populate would be a dream come true. It would be the ideal outcome. So what happens? You end up on a half-ass raft in the open ocean with all rational thinking shouting to turn around and head back to the small, safe island and every idealistic whim in your body screaming to keep going in hopes of finding something more. In turn comes three possible outcomes: turning back and living out on a small, purposeless island, venturing out and possibly finding something more, or perhaps just drowning on the open ocean in an unending search for more or in the inability to make a decision.

So what do I say? - Happy Sailing.

McCain's Speach Had One Part...

2008-09-07T14:28:00.003-05:00

I loosely watched the national conventions the past few weeks, and towards the end of his speech, McCain said something that really stood out from the normal rhetoric.

"If you find faults with our country, make it a better one. If you're disappointed with the mistakes of government, join its ranks and work to correct them. Enlist in our armed forces. Become a teacher. Enter the ministry. Run for public office. Feed a hungry child. Teach an illiterate adult to read. Comfort the afflicted. Defend the rights of the oppressed. Our country will be the better, and you will be the happier. Because nothing brings greater happiness in life than to serve a cause greater than yourself."

How true this is, not only with our country, but with our schools, our churches, our jobs, and everything that we are a part of in our lives. We are not meant to be self-consumed. We are meant to live for things greater than ourselves.

The Peaceful Drapery of Darkness

2008-09-04T00:02:00.002-05:00

I like night. I always have. The night time has always felt peaceful. It has a tendency to be much quieter. My aunts and uncles are no longer calling the house asking for my parents. The calls from solicitors cease, and fewer cars travel the roads. Everything about it whispers a quiet, serene story that does not seem to care whether it is heard. The darkness drapes the landscape and all things brightened by the harsh daylight. Things that were once clear and easy to see are hidden by a shroud of black, occasionally highlighted by moonlight or harshly brought to sight by our man made lights. For some reason, this limited vision and lack of ability to see into this distance brings peace. What is strange is how darkness limits what we can see around us, but it is the only time we can see into the cosmos, places far beyond our world. The light retreats to rest for the evening and darkness quickly fills it's gap. It drapes everything and provides the opportunity to look up to a world the light hides so crassly as if the sun is afraid we will cheat on her with other stars and novas.

Feast or Famine

2008-08-23T12:31:00.002-05:00

Is it just me or does everything always seem to come all at once? In freelancing, the term 'feast or famine' seems to be thrown around a good deal. It entails how many freelancers have a lot of business coming in and then seems to drop to a famine stage. The same seems to be true with the rest of life so often. I am supposed to be starting on a big website that could be anywhere from another 2-4 weeks away. It seems like I might be getting some brochure designs in a month. Supposedly conventions are supposed to start in late September, but that one is yet to be confirmed. Then yesterday I receive and email from the News Journal, saying they need a photographer every Friday night for the next 10 weeks for faces of the crowd at football games.

All wonderful and exciting things, but it's interesting how everything just seems to come at once. All the while we're trying to get this small group series rolling. Where was all this stuff the past 2-3 months? Oh well.

Buzzword Bandwagon Basics

2008-08-06T19:50:00.004-05:00

There's a movement in ministry that attempts to return to the basics, to focus on love and community. Now, scholars, leaders, laymen and everything in between have discussed, written, or argued about the specifics and whether focus is being lost, but that is not the point for now. I was recently on a website for a well known "community" when I was reminded of all the new buzzwords being thrown around. Fusion, paradigm, journey... and the list could go on for days. I have nothing against these words. I am certain that I likely use them myself on occasion.

It seems that my mind has trouble lately outlining thoughts like this, and I cannot help but feel that part of that is rooted in my disdain for bullet points, especially when they all start with the same letter or spell some relevant word. Not that these are not valid ways for communicating ideas or that they're not memorable for most... I'm just tired of it. On the other side, I find long, well structured sentences riddled with the latest buzzwords difficult to swallow as of late. We are so engulfed in a society that is drowning in information, conveniently filtered to us by the latest marketing.

Heart, your party is waiting...

2008-07-30T23:02:00.003-05:00

I'm very perceptive. I reason things out well, and I feel like I am decently knowledgeable in some areas. But somehow, this doesn't seem to be enough. It is very challenging for me to go all out for things. So often my heart seems to be absent from my actives. It certainly affects my productivity and success in personal and business endeavors, but what worries me most is spiritually.

I realize that the previous paragraph is much like a fragment sentence as it starts a thought then offers no closure or solution... but that's how I feel at the moment.

Sweet!

2008-07-24T14:20:00.002-05:00

My fortune cookie at P.F. Chang's last night informed me that I will be moving into a new, nice house within a year.

Score.

I'll just go ahead

2008-07-10T09:39:00.000-05:00

I've been wanting to write for a while now. But every time I feel the desire to write, I decide not too, largely due to the secretive nature of the content, not that I work for the government, but somehow or another I end up holding a lot of other people's secrets (and a few of my own). On a slightly different note however, the other week was the first time in the past few months were I felt hopeful about my near future. Of course... in the past few days I really began to question the places I am heading and new opportunities seems like they are on the horizon. So we will see how things play out. I will expound on things in a later post.

Swindled by Best Buy

2008-06-23T09:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I am still somewhat unemployed, so finances are not exactly rolling in at the moment. In light of this, seeing $25 charges on my checking account that I did not authorize does not really fill me with joy. Apparently... that whole 8 week free magazine trial at Best Buy has some fine print to it. For what seemed like years, I turned down that offer every time I made a purchase from their store, but about two months ago I said sure, why the hell not. I got myself a free 8 week subscription to Time (I guess I wanted to be more cultured or something). Well, this morning I find a $24.95 charge on my debit card from TWX*TIME/BEST BUY.

Apparently it is a free 8 week trial if you can figure out how to cancel it within 7-8 weeks, otherwise you get another 16 weeks and it back charges you for the 8 "free" weeks then automatically renews every 6 months at a price higher than you could get straight from the Time website. Fortunately, as I have learned from past lessons, as long as you can write demanding e-mails or wait on the phone long enough you can get almost anything refunded. I doubt I will stop shopping at Best Buy or do much of anything, but I will will casually announce my new disdain for Best Buy, which also has ground in them losing my application 5 years ago. Screw you Best Buy.

Well that probably failed...

2008-06-11T22:48:00.000-05:00

I find it amusing that my last post rambles about professional blogging and then I don't post again for several weeks. Meh. So I put in a few applications but really did not get any of the jobs I cared about. In light of that, I've been doing some vending like usual, which currently pays the bills I incur while living with my parents, but I should probably find something more in the near future. I bought some webhosting and started getting ready to push the whole freelance thing, you know, graphic design, photography, maybe some video... whatever pays the bills really. That's coming along alright I guess. Part of me wants to just pack up the car and head out for a few months.

Wait, you want me to what?

2008-05-15T12:56:00.001-05:00

Professional blogging? Hell yes, I am in support of that. It is humorous to me, because over spring break I looked at writing jobs and jokingly tossed around the idea of blogging "professionally". Thoughts like that come and go, and that one had certainly gone. However, today my friend Christen showed me a blog that she found. Come to find out, the blog supports this stay and home mom and her family. All I can say is, "Where do I sign?" A few weeks ago, I walked across a stage in what I felt to be an awkward garment and a just plain appalling hat. What did I get in return for this? I received sheet of paper, I was informed I could move my tassel over, and a miniature statue that I might use as a Christmas gift. Now what? Find a job, that's what. Well, I'm going to be honest. I'm really not that big of a fan of 8 to 5 jobs, nor am I much of an entrepreneur. I have had my own business with snack and drink vending machines for over 4 years...I hate it.

So what is the alternative? Find a job that I enjoy could hypothetically work. Far easier said than done. I would definitely like to travel, to anywhere really. Travel, write, take some pictures... now that sounds appealing. Am I good enough to attract enough people with my stories and antics to make some sort of living?

Who the hell cares. I am going to do what I do, I'm going to do it well, and I'm going to enjoy it.

Sooo

2008-05-08T23:30:00.000-05:00

I haven't written on this in a while. Originally I started this under and alias, to write more, I suppose it was for artistic things and a hope to say whatever I wanted without worry about someone reading it, but a couple things come to mind. First, I realized I really wanted people to be reading it. Second, I really don't greatly care who reads it or what they think; granted, I don't really cross lines like I thought I might. I tend to wonder how my present condition lines up with my future.

Now, I completely and totally realize that I am rambling and likely don't make sense, so let me move on to my point. I have so many people who deeply care and listen to me, but somehow... for some reason, I simply don't feel heard. I don't believe this problem to have any roots in the people listening; it is something else. This past weekend was a bit hard for me. It was an incredible time, and I greatly enjoyed seeing several people that I have not seen for a very long time. I was able to hang out a great deal with people I love deeply. However, all the while, a lot of things were happening under the surface. I won't go into those things now. But it's odd; such a great time riddled with so many questions and concerns. I really wonder what this next year holds for me because it all feels so up in the air at the moment and I cannot seem to find a solid grounding. Things will work out.

Dust to Dust

2008-04-25T16:22:00.000-05:00

Home on time, greeted at the door
So vibrant, completely full of life
Such pure joy in a world full of strife
Young and so full of innocence
Could even bring smiles to the poor
Life bundled small yet immense

A knock at the door, fall back asleep
Again shortly after, this one answered
Bearer of a message not preferred
Arriving to the sight, a sad scene
Sadness, but no one thinks to weep
Goodbye my friend, now so serene

peace out pal, I will definitely miss you.

Well it makes sense to me...

2008-04-15T19:45:00.000-05:00

Plans begun, intentions intact
Well thought through, or so thought
Lessons of the past are consulted
Obviously there was more to have been learned
Original plans change out of necessity
Unintentional and certainly unplanned
But what is done is done

Could this have been better?
Could I have thought this out more?
What worthless questions
Certain questions evaluate the past
Prompting lessons for the future
Others simply waste time
Instilling doubt in our minds

Better questions are available
What could I do better in the future?
How can I turn this for something good?
How can I grow personally from this?
And the list could go on and on
Questions that hold knowledge of the past
And use that knowledge to improve the future

Here is another question then
How do you open a locked door?
There's a key, but it's well hidden
Kick it open wide? Is it fragile?
Pick it slowly with skill and time?
Or with some knowledge or luck
There still is a key to be found

Life without you

2008-04-11T13:50:00.000-05:00

The sun is brighter now
The sky is bluer without you
Now fully free to pursue
The wondering questions I allow

Failed attempts to renew
Finding myself now at peace
Hopes for you I release
So many conversations untrue

New lands are up for lease
Unexplored paths to follow
At times hard to swallow
All my hopes steadily increase

Star light, Star bright

2008-04-03T19:58:00.000-05:00

In light of the former post... this is the last thing I wrote in my notebook.
_________________________

The sun retires as the familiar darkness returns
Twinkle, twinkle little star, one again, there you are
So distance, barely seeping through the vibrant darkness
The clouds come and you disappear completely
Only childhood memories and songs reminds me of you
Long departed, the eyes drift down, gazing at things closer

Blow the clouds away and peep through
Give my eyes another chance to glance at you
Oh won't you shake the darkness' grasp
And fall down to me where we can reunite

Known through expression

2008-04-03T17:35:00.000-05:00

I opened up this post to write about a strong split I have been feeling lately, but as I went to write the title, another thought came to mind. Just a few weeks ago, a friend of mine was at the house and saw some of my older paintings. He proceeded to describe me as dark. I cannot say I was shocked at the accusation, but I was not entirely sure how to respond to his analysis. It made me look at all the paintings I had done and think about their meanings. Some where thought out during or before the creation process while others were completely random, but well over half (possibly more as I don't know where some are...) were a strong darkness pushing against lighter colors.

Which leads me into the original reason for my writing. For the first time in a while, I have felt unbridled optimism about things in my future and a lot of person changes have taken place just over the last few weeks - some good, some bad. However, I have also encountered some strong spouts of lethargy. This is nothing unfamiliar in my own life or in humanity in general, but it is still frustrating. On that note, I should probably get back to writing my paper...

The scary dicotomy of writing

2008-02-24T23:59:00.000-06:00

At a session in a recent literature conference, a presenter commented on Anne Sexton, who seemed to be a overcomer and accomplisher in her writing, but could not hold on to her own life, eventually leading to her suicide. She went on to make a comment how it seems writing allows people to be entirely different people in their writing. This certainly does not have any sort of golden revelation, just a thought.

I enjoy writing as it allows me to express my thoughts and present aspects of myself that I wish to be better, but at the same time... with regards to those aspects in my own physical life, I never seem to gain control.

Keep Moving Forward

2007-12-28T23:37:00.000-06:00

The idea of free thought

Randomly composed words with no previous notion to coherency

This isn't a stretch for acknowledgment of intelligence

Just thoughts... simple, unmolested thoughts

Why?

But isn't that the main question that comes up

Different strings attached to the end

Different situations, different questions

But they all boil down to why

Why me, why this, why now...

Why the hell not.

Who really knows

I sure don't?

Am I really on the right path?

Is this the trail that I originally embarked on?

Or did I somehow veer off while looking at the map.

Heh. I doubt that, my eyes certainly weren't on the map.

If they would have been on the map

I would be where I was intended to be

However, It's quite possible

That these, these unexpected turns

Are more on track than I ever realized

Maybe my map was off to begin with

I suppose that's something you discover with time

Time will tell

2007-12-25T21:03:00.000-06:00

Another fabled event fades
Each year loses some of the joy
Simply seeming as if this is a decoy
From lavish gifts to equal trades
We've transitioned over two decades

Certainly not terrible
Indeed we're far from it
Just blander than I'd care to admit
Shirts that are hardly wearable
Let's just see if there's a movie on cable

One day the childish joy will return
Although, I still have some doubt
But what will bring that day about
Perhaps my spouse will be my concern
Or my kids receiving more than they earn

Time will tell...

Quiet Now

2007-12-08T02:04:00.000-06:00

Shh, quite now, quieter still
Each passing moment, perusing by
Decibels of ambient noise rise exponentially
Bodies squirm, moved by unkempt thoughts

The peace will be broken soon
Fragile glass falls, shattering
Nudged gently off the shelf
No accident, certainly not

Who could blame
Who wouldn't want to shatter it
The daunting, horrendous peace
Leaving nothing to gleam but self-reflection

Swept quickly under the rug
No one will miss what gems might have been
Turn the music back up, louder still
Here the processed thoughts of others
Rather than our own dark light

An entry from NYWC 06'

2007-12-05T23:50:00.000-06:00

The radio comes on,
Moving from static to the latest con,
All my thoughts, my revelations
Promptly dissipate, unwilling to compete with the constructed noise.

The beautiful imagination and visions of childhood
Now far gone, unwilling to be coxed out
Possibly now further than the stars that once inspired them
Creativity and these beautiful images
Now constructed for me with all their hidden motives and ideas
Seamlessly woven in
How did we get here
And more vitally, how the hell do we get back
Unsure whether to be angry
sad, depressed, confused, mourning, frustrated, pissed off, moved
motivated, energized, relaxed, or maybe just a disgusting blend of it all
Now yelling and cursing inside my mind
Any more action simply feels like a waste of breath
The very essence of life
So where do we, do I, go from here
Chained together by injustice
By being prodded and branded like cattle
But simultaneously bound even stronger by the immobilizing grip of apathy
So what now? Where from here?
To lay down in these artificial communities
On our softly engineered grass
Or to break free to where we once were, but barely know
To charge through the sharp tearing barbed wire of harsh realities
Towards an unknown freedom
Or gently lay our heads on our soft, conforming pillows of apathy...